This Life Just Isn't Meant for Me
by KittyLuck96
Summary: Jacob's personality is wild and free. Pains from his past will haunt him. Where will he go with such burdens? Setting in the 1980's. Based off of my Father.


_Authors note: hello everyone! This is my first story! And its based off of the life of my father who is passed away already and how his life goes on. I never knew my dad so I decided to write from his point of view. Enjoy!_

**Chapter 1: I Knew I had It**

Yet again I knew tonight was going to be a long sleepless night. Nightmares constantly. Dark dreams of animals dying, me being the killer, my family leaving me, children around the world suffering from hay fever. I kicked my boots in the sand as I walked in the hot sun, trying to catch a ride. I didn't even know where I was going. I just wandered. I felt loose, free, and wild. It was a feeling I never wanted to get rid of. I knew there were things wrong with me, and I knew I've been told to change. Why should I? Why did no one accept me for who I am? There was only one way I was viewed in the world's eyes. A sinner, a mistake, and a person with no value in life. I searched for what I couldn't find, I held on to what wasn't really there, I tried to make something happen that didn't exist, and tried to mold dirt into flesh. Someday, I will find a way to make it where there are no boundaries.

I kept walking, hearing my own footsteps and mine alone. The sun was setting into a sweet hummingbird pink. I smiled slightly, letting the coolness of the air fill around me like smoke. Cars beat by noisily. Parts of my dark hair fell into in front of my eyes, and I constantly had to flip my head back to see. My build was think but masculine around my chest and biceps, my eyes a dark chocolate brown and my skin dark from my Native American back ground. Tattoos covered my arms, chest, and calves. The one on my chest is a peacock, finely drawn wings and feathers. It was my favorite. My dress was casual yet classic. I wore brown cowboy boots, worn out faded denim jeans, black t shirt, and a jacket on top to match. I smelled of incense and cigarette smoke.

I came unto a near gas station and decided to have a step inside. When I opened the door the smell of cigarette smoke and whiskey trailed past me. I inhaled slowly and closed my eyes for only a moment, letting the salty smell rush into my lungs. I felt an ache in my chest, and small burning perhaps. My boots clanked against the floor as I strode in farther toward the back. I passed by a dark room with lights, and paused to look at it.

There were tons of keno machines lined up against a back wall, a bar was to the left with a smooth black wood counter, the bartender serving at least 10 guys around it. I smiled and shuffled over there and looked at their selection on the wall.

"May I help you sir?" the bartender walked over to me, he was an aged man with grey and black hair, his eyes dark and his stance big and tall.

"Just some regular whiskey." I smiled wide, showing the man I was friendly. He sauntered off and a few moments later brought it to me in a giant glass. I gulped it down, looking more intensely at my surroundings. Small tables with long legged chairs set up around the smoking area, couples and friend laughing and enjoying themselves. Men playing keno with their friends and even their wives. I chucked to myself and took another sip.

"Jacob! Is that you?" I heard a husky voice coming from my right, and I quickly whirled around.

"I haven't seen you in ages what are you doing here in Montana?" the man strode over to me, his black hair thick and down to his shoulders, he was short like me and stout.

"Yeah, I finally got out of California's prisons. Those places are damn rough." I laughed with him. I had no idea who he was but I could pretend. Why not?

"Yeah yeah, I heard. How's life been for you these days? Where have you been?" he asked questions continuously. I shifted my weight to one side, hearing the heel of my boot scrape against the wooden floor.

"Wandering." I replied simply. What else did this man want to know? If he was looking for a miraculous story, talking to me wasn't going to get him there. I smirked.

"Awh, I see." He rubbed his head with his palm and stepped aside. "Well, I'll be on my way." He walked away, back facing me.

I set down my cup with a thud, laughing at my own personal thoughts. I got up and walked out of the bar and the store, without even paying for my drinks. As I walked passed, I waved to the clerk goodbye.

I stepped onto the concrete parking lot, zipping up my jacket a bit. It was warm, and the sun was going down farther. I sighed in content and kept on walking.

_"Where am I even meant to go?" _ I thought to myself. _"Somewhere. Anywhere but here." _

There was a small dirt path alongside the highway, just big enough to keep moving my feet one after the other. I thought of life. I thought of how I may possibly never want one. Kids, a wife, and family. All of that stuff seemed so farfetched these days.

My mother's name was Margret, she was a full blood Native American born in Great Falls Montana. She had high cheek bones, short but beautiful, her skin dark but flawless like porcelain. She put me in an orphanage for most of my life in St. Ignatius, and only visited me for one day every six months. I had 2 sisters and 2 brothers. I'm the second oldest. First is my brother Randy, then me, then my sister Jeanie, then my youngest sister Dragon. My father's name was Alexander. He had black hair, he was tall and had perfect straight teeth. Every women loved him. He was an alcoholic and will soon pass. I didn't have a lot thought on him.

My family isn't something I like to think about, they are all separated from me. Dragon was murdered, Jeanie is in New Mexico, and Randy is in prison. What a lovely family life. My heart aches with pain when I think of my siblings.

I shook my head, trying to push away the arising pain in my chest. I came upon a small town. There was a general store to the left, and schools sign to the right. The street was wide and there was no side walk. There was a candy store called "The Blue Jay." Also, a bar on the right passed the school, and a small town library. I liked it.

The town's sign read "_Welcome to Arlee. The Flathead Reservation."_ I smiled. I remembered this place as a kid, my father was from here and I have many relatives here.

This is the place where I was looking for.

_Authors Note: See what happens in the next chapter when Jacob comes upon some family members! Read&Review._


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